I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
sarcasm needs its own font
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
