it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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