thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
