Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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