That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
