I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
