whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
