Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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