This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
