So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
