My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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