pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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