Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
3pm strippers are depressing
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
