dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
im holly from the hills drunk
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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