How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
