Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
