He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
