Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
