You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
