I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
