It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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