my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
