i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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