I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
