Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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