Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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