Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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