Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
