theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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