Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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