my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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