took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
