did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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