THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
