the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
