Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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