I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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