If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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