i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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