Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Randomize
