I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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