like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
