Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
