Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
