I saw his package. It spoke to me.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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