I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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