We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
