I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
