1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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