your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
A+ Viking dick
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