My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
