I just saw a hot homeless man
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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