Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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