oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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