i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
