I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
