I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
