What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
